Find your dwelling place

By Lloyd Luna

Last month I discussed about the choice that we're making makes us. As a recap let me sum it up in one mind-stirring philosophy, “Success is not something that you pursue. It's something that you attract by the person you become.”

But most of us, I'm sure, have been going through tiring and tough journey. It seems like the road is never-ending and every bend of the road, we are not really sure if we can still make it or not. Most of the time because we are tired, we fell like giving up and giving in—giving our dreams up and giving our small successes in to a failing situation.

There have been several times in my life where my character and attitude as a person were put to test. With all those failures and inability to live a life that I wanted, I also felt like giving up and giving in. And mind you, I'm not the only one who almost surrendered and let a single, earth-shattering event they called failure lead my journey. If failure is to lead you, you will never succeed.

In March of 2005, in one cold, bone-chilling morning, raining, I woke up alone in my room. Starving because I was unable to have meals for the last 72 hours, I realized I was crying. I didn't know what's happening. An achiever they say, a very skilled journalist, people person, strong. I just felt something was wrong, and even came at one point realizing that everything was wrong.

I only had P20.00 in my pocket. All my bank accounts were closed. All the checks I couldn't change to cash. My business, I saw, was falling down, getting not enough money from clients. My friends in the business seemed to have left me alone. I just couldn't turn to them. Still with pride, I kept everything, every failure alone. I was missing my family, and my girlfriend for two years at the time was breaking up with me.

Unable to think clearly, having the negative thoughts clouded the hope and promise of a great future; I went down the apartment and got something. I went back in my room and had a very serious, pitiful conversation with one sharp object in my hand.

I was waving goodbye to a life that was once so bright, happy, worthwhile, satisfying, with the fame, glory, and recognitions. The only solution I got so as not for me to see a miserable failure in the mirror was to end my life. That would prevent me from feeling all the pains and failures, disappointments and hatred in my heart.

The sad thing about such scenario is that it gets to repeat itself in the lives of tens of thousands of people around the world. When life deals us the bad hand, we give everything up and cash everything in. We don't want to live anymore. We just wanted to stop thinking that that's the best way to escape reality.

Fortunately, that miserable loser in one cold morning didn't kill himself. Otherwise, I won't still be here writing for you, my fellow kababayan.

This story turned out to be my second book Do You Have A Life of Your Own? It tells you the story on how to control our circumstances instead of letting our circumstances control us. It's about living a life that you design and it's about taking control of our emotion and feelings—emotions that deceive us and feelings that seduce us to give up.

The last chapter is the advice that I'm giving you this month: Find your dwelling place.

When I decided to end my life because I thought the entire world just crushed on me, I had two choices: To take my life because I failed or to get up and face the day differently because there are still more to life than pain and failure. I was so tired that rest is peace appeared to be the perfect way to rest.

But thinking back, I think what we need is a dwelling place—a silent place where we can really have a self-talk with ourselves and just talk and talk. And then listen to what that small voice inside us is telling us.

In my case, God became my dwelling place. When I looked up at the sky and recalled how my God had suffered despite his being God for my sake and the sake of the entire human race, I thought the wrong isn't the situation. The wrong lied in my poor choices and decisions.

Life doesn't require us to succeed and win every game that it has for us. It only requires us to do the best we can—nothing more nothing less. It doesn't restrict us from taking a break, disconnecting ourselves from the noisy, oftentimes confusing, complicated world. It in fact encourages us to take a silent moment and just pause for a while.

I can imagine how Filipinos working overseas take the journey alone, thousands of miles away from their family and friends. And it just breaks their hearts if they heard a bad news on finances, relationships, and so much more. We thought that's the end of everything.

Life is always more than one event in our lives. It is a collection of both the good and the bad experiences. But when it comes to scoreboard, you need to have more good than bad. Make no mistake at seeing equating your life to one event.

You are always greater than the sum of all your successes and failures. Think about it. You are not the result. You are the cause. Success and failures are results. And you cause either of the two.

And so when you feel really like giving up, I hope you'll remember that part of my life story and learn from it. You don't have to learn more things in life the hard way. Learn from many of us who have been there and please don't be foolish to follow our miserable paths.

Find the dwelling place. Have a break. Have a God.

Value your dreams,

BIG