Guilty Feelings

By Francisco J. Colayco, Ph.D

TWO QUESTIONS RELATED TO GUILT FEELINGS ESPECIALLY WITH FAMILY AND CHILDREN.

Sometimes questions like these are not spoken aloud but the thoughts are with us and we end up feeling guilty needlessly. It is better to face the issues and be true to yourself in the process…

QUESTION:
I do not want children to experience hardship that I went through so I give them a lot of money. Why can't I do that instead of saving?

ANSWER:
Nobody wants anybody especially our children to go through the hardship we went through. However, we are strong today precisely because we went through hardship and survived those hardships. If we give everything to our children, we are not allowing them to achieve for themselves. They will not be as strong as we are in terms of being good parents and citizens of our country. Chapter Twelve talks about determination and discipline. These are virtues that we need to instill in ourselves and in our children.

Another issue though is what the money is to be used for. If you are sure that the money is to be used productively and will give them better education and values, then that is money not wasted.

QUESTION:
I feel guilty leaving my children so I give money to compensate. Why can't I do this?

ANSWER:
If you know that you have done something wrong against God and against your neighbor and your children, then you should feel guilty. If you really have no option but to leave them to work for a living, then you have done nothing against them and there is no reason to be guilty. Giving them more money that will not be used productively only allows them to develop wrong values. The key is to allocate the money sent them to be used productively.

QUESTION:
How do you reconcile the desire to help one's family before yourself?

ANSWER:
It is noble to want to help your family. In fact, one chapter of my book is devoted to the Importance of Sharing. However, one of the financial rules is: Protect Your Greatest Income Generating Asset: Yourself on Chapter Five should be well understood.

You have to look at the long term too. You cannot help your family enough if you are so unhappy and no longer healthy. You must find a way to balance the two objectives. It may require compromises wherein your family is required to live within a budget that you set based on your financial capacity. Remember: you cannot share what you do not have.