Stop Becoming A People-Pleaser

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Chinkee Tan
Chinkee Tan

Are you the type of person who,

Gives way to others, all the time?

Spends more time making other people happy, more than yourself?

Finds it almost impossible to refuse requests from others?

Gets stressed over what other people may say about you?

If your answer is ‘yes” then you are most likely a “PEOPLE-PLEASER”.

I, too, was like that when I was in high school. I remember my classmates would always ask me to do things for them, and I would oblige so that they will be happy with me and I can belong to their group. So I fully understand why there are people who need to pretend in front of others, who are willing to do anything even if it is already against their will, just to satisfy what other people want.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that we should not strive to make the people around us happy. Making people happy and doing favors for them are actually good traits, BUT if it comes to the point where doing these things stifles our own freedom and happiness, then this is when it becomes wrong.

How can it be wrong? What are the negative effects on me?

  1. YOU COMPROMISE

    When your ultimate goal is to please people, then you give up your own free will. Most of the time, people-pleasers are caught in between deciding what they want to do for themselves and what others are asking them to do, but they end up doing the latter.

    You end up always giving in to the needs of others over your own. In the end, you get shortchanged because you put more value on the reactions on others over your own welfare.

    For example:

    Your friends want to go shopping but you don’t want to because your allowance is limited and you don’t want to waste it. But because you don’t want to disappoint them and are afraid that they might throw you out of the group, you give in to their coaxing.

  2. YOU DO THINGS THAT ARE AGAINST YOUR WILL

    Being a people-pleaser will change you. You become a different person because even if you know that you are right and giving in to what someone else wants will have a negative effect on you, you still chose to please the other person by changing who you are, how you do things and even your principles just to satisfy them.

    More often than not, doing this will just get you into trouble. You know what they are asking you to do it is wrong, but you do it anyway.

    And if you continue to live for others…

  3. YOU MIGHT LIVE IN REGRET

    In what way?

    Since you are not being true to yourself, the time will come when you will become dependent on these people for security and value. They will eventually be able to manipulate you like a robot.

    You will eventually have no say in things, even in your own life.

    So even if you want to be true to yourself, they won’t take you seriously because they know that you don’t have the courage to let them down. That you are going to give in. You will become a prisoner in your own home, school or office.

So now that you know the effects of being a people-pleaser, what can you do?

KNOW YOURSELF

You should know who you really are, more than anybody else. Ask yourself:

What is it that I want to say?

What is it that I want to do?

What is it that I hate?

These questions will help you choose what to do. When you know yourself, you know the things that you need to do especially in times when these compromises could change you.

KNOW WHAT YOU STAND FOR

What is it that you want others to know about you?

If you want to be known as a person who stands for your principles and a person of your word, then don’t be fickle-minded and don’t be easily persuaded by what others want for you. Don’t let anybody manipulate and shape you to become somebody that you are not.

Like what I’ve said, you are not a robot. Use your intelligence, talent, and skills, and don’t suppress your own feelings.

KNOW WHERE TO DRAW YOUR SOURCE OF SECURITY                   

Our source of security must be God, not other people. We do not need to please anyone else but God, because He is the one who has given us everything that we have. If we want to show gratitude for what we have, then it is to God. By pleasing God we acknowledge and thank Him for everything that He has done for us.

Only consider the things that will make God happy, like having the right attitude and being kind to others. By doing this, you’ll be confident enough to face whatever comes your way without being pretentious.

THINK. REFLECT. APPLY.

Are you a people-pleaser? In what way?

Where does your security come from: a person, a group or yourself?

Are you ready to become a God-pleaser instead of people-pleaser?

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