Chinkee Tan: How to be “The One”

HSBC Philippines
Chinkee Tan The One
Chinkee Tan gives tips about finding a partner in life. Credits to Chinkee Tan.

“It’s already 2020 and you are still single?!”
“When are going to have a boyfriend/girlfriend?!”
“When are you going to get married?!”

The pressure to have a romantic relationship seems overwhelming. Sometimes we dread going to our family reunions because our titas and titos keep asking us about love as if getting married is the ultimate goal in life. All this nagging about finding love and the deception that time is running out made many people to settle for a convenient yet unhealthy relationships.

To avoid being trapped in a toxic and unsuccessful romantic relationship, I will share with you some of the important lessons I have learned during my single years as I was waiting for God’s best who is now my beautiful wife.

SET STANDARDS.
You do not buy a gadget just because it looks chic. You look into its specifications to ensure its quality so that it can withstand the test of time. Essentially, that is the same with romantic relationships. Looks do not suffice. Character matters.

In choosing your future spouse, you must not solely look at looks for “charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting”. If you are going for a serious relationship, your partner must be more than just pretty. Therefore, having standards is very crucial. This will protect you from making unwise decisions.

Try this. In a notebook or on your phone, identify and list down the qualities you find in a future spouse. Also, categorize the quality if it is non-negotiable or negotiable. Here is an example:

Non-negotiables:

  • Has a job
  • Values finances
  • Holds the same values and beliefs

Negotiables:

  • Loves samgyup
  • Loves milk tea
  • Loves Kpop

Different people have different standards, so it is important that you know what you want. Just a caveat: set realistic standards. It is so tempting to dream of a perfect partner, but there is no such person. Everyone has flaws and inadequacies, so set realistic standards.

PRAY HONESTLY.
The Lord is a Father who always listens. Therefore, it is best that you bring the desires of your heart to Him. Pray honestly. Do not sugarcoat or bargain. Just lay down your whole heart to Him.

I prayed with all my heart that the Lord will give me no one but only His best for me. I waited patiently for love to come into my life. And as I waited, I disregarded the pressures of the people, silenced the worries of my heart, and I entrusted my whole heart to the Lord. Now, I am happily married with no one else, but God’s best.

PREPARE ACTIVELY.
We hate queuing lines. We hate buffering video. We hate to wait. However, rushing into love entraps people. Because of impatience, many people settled with someone who is not God’s best, but rather with someone who just looks like God’s best.

This may be an unpopular opinion, but waiting is the most exciting part in having a romantic and blessed relationship. In our waiting, adventures of life ensue — and that is exciting! So, instead of focusing too much on waiting for the right one, I suggest that you make your single years productive.

The single years is the perfect time to grow as an individual. You have all the time in the world to be the right one for your right one. As you wait, I suggest that you do these things:

Improve your physical looks.

This is simple Law of Attraction. If you want a pretty or handsome spouse, then be one, too.

Improve the condition of your heart.

Kindness is very attractive. You may practice kindness by being a better friend, better child to your parents, better sibling, better neighbor, or by being a better workmate.

Improve your finances.

Having a romantic relationship is relatively expensive. You will go into dates and you will need to buy presents for every monthsary. It is more expensive if you decide to get married and have a family. While you are still single, I suggest that you save up for your relationship. You can fully enjoy your adventures together because money will no longer be an issue.

Having a romantic relationship is an investment. It requires time and effort. While you are waiting for “the one”, invest your time in praying that God give you His best so you can avoid heartbreaks. Also, invest your energy in improving yourself and especially your finances.

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THINK. REFLECT. APPLY.
Are you pressured to have a romantic relationship?
Have you already set your standards in finding your “the one”?
What qualities do you need to improve on so you can also be “the one”?

READ MORE:

10 Tips on How Savings Money Made Me a Better Person

5 Ways To Be A Good Business Partner To Your Spouse

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